Friday, February 22, 2013

Let's talk about hair.

This is going somewhere...I promise.

Much like my fickle career pursuits(see Careers I have considered for the full list), my hair has been on a rollercoaster identity ride. I was at a party tonight, and half way through, I friend from high school came up to say hello. He said he would have come up to me sooner, but he didn't recognize me because my hair had changed...again.

Let me give the short list of hairstyles I have tried since my sophomore year of high school. Ready?

Half-way down my back and permed. Bob. Faux-hawk with purple streaks. Bleach blonde bob. Spikey blue and pink pixie cut. Brown pixie cut. Bald. Purple pixie cut. Bleach blonde pixie cut. Mohawk. Bald. Dark brown bob. Bald.

And that's just the highlights (pun intended).

Here's where I'm at now, one year after my last buzz-cut.

Why am I sharing this? Because I am growing my hair out. Still lost? I'm not surprised...

In between each of my many erratic hair choices, I have said to myself, "Now I'm going to grow my hair out." My hair has not reached my shoulders since the perm of '06. What does this mean? I lack will power...or patience...or something. My hair seems to be a pretty good metaphor for my life choices. I get an idea, I pursue it (with scissors and bleach....or a college major), I grow tired of it, and I vow to start anew. Then, six months later, I find myself in the salon (or the admissions office) starting the cycle all over again.

I realize that this habit is counterproductive. My inability to commit to growing out my hair seems to echo my inability to commit to finishing my degree.

Part of this is personality. I'm just one of those people who gets bored easily and needs new direction. But I think it's more than that. I think that I fear commitment. The only reason I can come up with for this fear is a greater fear. Failure. I am afraid that I won't succeed at whatever I pursue (waist-length hair or a career in my major), so instead of sticking it out and seeing what happens, I bail.

I have created a psychological barrier between myself and success through this self-sabotage. Understanding this self-imposed weakness is the first step to overcoming it. So...I have a plan.

I really am going to grow my hair out this time.

Why hair? Baby steps. If I can succeed in the much simpler task of simply avoiding scissors for a while, then I will prove to myself that I can finish what I start. That I can succeed. By disproving my belief that I am doomed for failure in whatever I do, I will open myself up to other successes. Like finishing college, and pursuing passion. So...I'm swearing off scissors as part of my pursuit of passion! Wish me luck!