The Chicken or the Egg?

Since I began this blogging journey, I've had some great feedback from friends and family. Much of this has consisted of, "Wow, I never knew that about you," but I've also gotten a lot of comments in the vein of, "I've gone through something similar. Here's what I have found."

The surprising part of this? The nature of the advice. I have been approaching my soul-searching mission from a very analytical perspective. Analyze my past, examine my thoughts, then deduce an appropriate career path. I'm a pretty stereotypical Virgo in that sense.

The advice I've received, though, has been a lot more...touchy-feely. Don't get me wrong, I'm very much a touchy-feely person and I constantly find myself in situations where my emotions get the best of me, but I thought a more scientific approach would be my best bet here...because of my touchy-feely tendencies. Apparently the Universe thinks differently.

So that advice? It's all been about spiritual cultivation. Friends have suggested meditation, prayer, all that real soul-searching stuff. Which maybe makes more sense? The ultimate goal should be happiness and content, right? Money and a good job are really just a means to that end. So maybe I need to focus more energy on that whole Go to the Wilderness idea.

The problem with the touchy-feely approach? It takes too long! And yes, I am aware what an utterly lame excuse that is. I want results now! I have roughly a year left in my undergraduate degree and I need to know what comes next! I need to intern and find a job and start my adult life! I'm running out of time!

Which, of course is ridiculous. There is always time. So maybe I need to slow down and focus my energy inward.

I guess this just isn't the way I've chosen to prioritize my life. My plan was to figure out my career, then explore my inner self and gain a spiritual side. But maybe it doesn't work that way. Maybe the two are intrinsically linked. Maybe spirituality needs to come before career plans?

Which should come first, the chicken or the egg? Now I'm confused...

Watching a professional at work

A couple of weeks ago I shared a blogpost about the importance of asking for help. Today, while browsing my Twitter feed, the perfect video appeared to say more eloquently what I have experienced and am trying to achieve.

Amanda (F***ing) Palmer is a singer/songwriter/musician/artist who has perfected the art of asking for help. Confession: I have never actually listened to Amanda Palmer's music...but I read her husband's books. Amanda Palmer is married to Neil Gaiman. If you like fantasy fiction novels and you are an adult, then you NEED to know who Neil Gaiman is.

Here is Amanda Palmer's take on "The Art of Asking."

What I like most about Amanda's argument is the acknowledgement that asking leaves us vulnerable. But more than this, that vulnerability implies trust, and trusting others to help you is a beautiful lesson in personal connections. 

I have experienced this too, and I found that people are generally kind and willing to help. Amanda explains this kindness. She says that people want to help you because by reaching out and asking for help, you are connecting with them on a personal level. This is such a beautiful expression of the human spirit. Adopting Amanda Palmer's philosophy on "the art of asking" makes it easier to accept and enjoy the experience. 

My next mission!? To actually listen to Amanda's music. Anyone who is this cool of a human being is probably a fantastic artist as well. Cheers! 

Devil's Advocate

Let it never be said that I am not open to other points of view. Ok...I'll admit I'm pretty stubborn and I don't take contradictory advice very well all the time, but part of this soul-searching mission is about expanding myself and being open to new ideas. So here goes...

While I was out roaming the blogosphere, I came across this post by Penelope Trunk. In her blog post, Penelope states loud and clear, "Forget the soul search; just do something." I felt a little stung by the directness of this post, as if Ms. Trunk was aiming it specifically at me.

But I didn't get scared and run away, I read the post and kept my mind open to what she had to say on the matter. She had some excellent points and some good advice.

One thing that I found particularly important was the idea that soul-searching takes too long. Discovering ones' self is a life-long and ever-changing process, so waiting for the end result of that search before pursuing a career is pointless. You'd die before you ever attempted to do something with your life. I have to say, she's got a point there.

So how do I balance this advice with my own mission? Compromise. It is important to know that I will never have a definitive answer to the question, "Who are you?" (see my earlier post here), but that doesn't mean I should stop asking the question. Tuning into yourself every once in a while is important. It is easy to lose sight of what you want in this world when you allow yourself to get swept up in action all the time. That being said, thought without action is equally unsuccessful.

Penelope Trunk's blog post urges readers to get out there and just try a few things. A "bad" career decision is still a useful tool in self-discovery. By having experiences we don't enjoy, we learn more about our likes and dislikes. These experiences, then, inevitably lead us towards more successful experiences in the future (so long as we take care to actually learn from our mistakes, and don't simply repeat them).

Another point that Trunk addresses that I found encouraging was the statement that each person has many selfs. At any given time, there are multiple things that motivate us, and multiple careers that could bring fulfillment. She sights the statistic that most people nowadays change careers every eighteen months. As your tastes change, or a different motivation rises to the surface, go with it.

One last gem that I want to share is this. Trunk says that you need to get your toes wet. Try careers out, take the leap, and if you don't like the result, "reframe your landing pad as just a stepping stone." When I left music school, I felt like my life was over. I had failed, my passion was dead, going on was futile. But if I allow myself to reframe that experience as just another stepping stone in my life, then I can take away the valuable lessons I learned (like how I didn't want the insecurity of a musicians life - see here for more on that).

Even though her argument is directly at odds with my philosophy, Trunk's arguments for action seem not to contradict, but to compliment my continued search. (Am I still being stubborn?)

Always know who you are.

I met Yoda this week. Not really, but I got some very Yoda-esque advice from a stranger, so that's kind of the same thing, right?

I was just sitting on campus finishing some homework when this middle-aged gentleman sat down across from me and asked, "If I were to ask you who you are, how would you answer?"

So, as any socially awkward and cautious person would, I gave the simplest answer I could, "Um...I'm Kim and I'm a student here."

This answer did not satisfy Sensei. As he explained, you are not your name or your occupation. He proceeded to tell me a little bit about himself and introduced me to his daughter. As he went to leave, his parting words to me were these, "It was nice to meet you, Kim. And remember, always know who you are."

Yes, Master Yoda.

I've been thinking about those words for the past several days, and it worries me to find that I still don't have a good answer. A few years ago, I would have told you that I am a singer, a vegetarian and an LotR fanatic. That would have been a fairly accurate description of who I was then. I still, technically am all of those things, but they seem to fall far short of who I am now. There are so many parts to me, as I'm sure you can relate. How does one explain who they are to a stranger, or any person, in a minute or two of conversation? It seems impossible, but vital.

In a practical sense, knowing who you are would be really useful in, say, an interview. But more than that, I think it is important to life to know who you are. How else can you know if you are on the right path? How else can you begin to seek the right path?

I think that discovering who I am is the key to discovering what I want to do with my life.

For now, all I know is that I am equal parts romantic and cynical, brave and cowardly, hard-working and lazy. I am lost, but seeking. I guess that I am a pilgrim. I am seeking self.

There is a meditation mantra that I really like. Hamsa. It is the sound of inhale (ham-) and the sound of exhale (-sa), the most natural phrase a person can utter. It means, "I am that." What could be more natural than knowing who you are?

I encourage anyone who feels lost, or just feels like checking in with themselves to ask yourself this question, "Who are you?" because it is necessary to always know who you are.

Sage Advice

This will be a fairly short entry (hopefully...I tend to get carried away).

One of my bosses read my blog and offered me some advice yesterday. She told me to think back to the things I enjoyed doing when I was five years old. Her theory is that the things you enjoyed then are probably still true today and can provide some insight into what you may want to do with your life now!

She also noted that becoming an actual tiger was probably out. Think general, that's the idea. I liked to play dress up. I liked to make up stories for my Barbie-dolls. I liked to pet kitties. I liked magical things (like fairies and turning into a tiger). I liked to be the center of attention, posing for photos, putting on plays in the living room and just generally being the loudest person in the house. I liked to draw and write and read (granted, these were likes I developed a little after the age of five...but I think they're still valid).

So what can I do with this laundry-list of likes? Start thinking. How can I combine these pleasures into a cohesive life? Maybe I could be a novelist or an actress or a playwright. Maybe I can move out of the spotlight and still participate in these things, work for a magazine or a theatre or a publishing company.

This new insight is by no means the end of the journey, but it has given me fresh eyes to look through!

I recommend this exercise for anyone who wants to rethink their career plans. It is insightful and just plain fun, reminiscing about all the silly things you did as a young child when all the world was one giant possibility.

The other thing my boss mentioned that was very encouraging was: she didn't get it right the first time...or the second time...or the third. And that's OK. She loves what she does now and that is what matters. Don't despair just because you haven't figure it out at 19.